Personal Hygiene – handling body odour

Very few people can find the courage to tell anyone else that they have body odour. That’s exactly the problem with body odour. If you have it, everyone knows except you because no one is willing to tell you.

If you ever wondered then, why people who have body odour are not able to shake it off easily, it’s probably because nobody ever tells them. Of course, it's indeed a difficult issue to bring up with anyone and we shall deal with this matter in another post.

The truth is that everyone has the tendency to smell. If you live in a hot climate where the sun shines everyday with vengeance, you are bound to sweat. Like every waste product from the body, sweat can smell which means anybody that sweats may smell.

Now that we know anyone can smell irrespective of social class or financial height, it is the responsibility of each of us to handle this matter properly. This is especially important as you may be the last to know, if at all you ever do. Unfortunately body odour can be quite offensive and embarrassing particularly to those who have to work or live in close proximity with the bearer. It may also stifle a person's career or business growth as people generally avoid a person with serious body odour.

The following are guidelines that can help deal with this delicate but important matter. Please note that the guidelines are not a substitute for medical help and are not intended to be:

1. We are all used to our body smell so it is easy to assume everything is all right when it isn't. It is therefore necessary to find out from people who are close enough to tell you the truth about how you smell.

2. Shower or take a bath daily, this is non-negotiable.

3. If you have been out all day and need to attend an evening event, it will be wise to take a shower, and at the least change your top, especially if you live in a region of hot climate.

4. Air your jackets well and avoid mixing used clothes with clean ones.

5. Use fresh underwear daily whether you are male or female.

6. Wear a safe deodorant.

7. To minimise bad breath, carry mints on you to freshen your mouth especially if you have been silent for long or if you are fasting.

8. Also brush your teeth daily and if you can, floss regularly.

9. If you suffer from excessive sweating or have a serious case of bad breath, a visit to a doctor will be helpful.

10. If you have a case of sweaty feet, avoid taking off your shoes in a public place.

Finally, every one must make the effort to find out how they are doing in this area so as to avoid the peril of wrong assumption. You may assume you are doing well when in reality you aren't. Don't forget, you may well be the last to know.

We all benefit when we do things right.

How to introduce yourself and write your name

How do you introduce yourself?

The reason for this question is that it is sometimes a very confusing experience when people make the attempt to introduce themselves be it in formal or informal gatherings. Some give three names, which I can handle to an extent; some just give their initials and surname, which doesn’t tell who they are. On a few occasions, a smart alec would respond by saying “my names are”… And if you are in Nigeria, many people respond to the question by preceding their names with a title.

The most confusing is when people say their names and it becomes difficult to figure out which is the given name and which is the surname.

This is not a matter common to verbal introductions alone, some people as a matter of habit write their surnames first even on their business cards. This habit probably developed from school days where the surname is used as a primary key to differentiate students can be confusing and frustrating to business partners or people you are meeting for the first time.

To avoid confusion and embarrassment, the following are useful guidelines in answering the question above whether in writing or verbally:

1. Your ‘given name’ is also known as ‘your ‘first-name’ or ‘forename’ so it makes sense for it to go ‘first’.

2. Your inherited name otherwise known as ‘surname’ or ‘family name’ is also known as the ‘last-name’ so it goes ‘last’.

3. The order of arrangement (applicable to most African, European, North and South American countries) is ‘first-name’ followed by ‘last-name’. In some East Asian countries such as China, Japan and Korea, the order is reversed.

4. It is also less confusing to say or write your full name, for example, ‘Dayo Adeleye’ rather than ‘J. Adeleye’. Remember ‘J’ is an initial not your name.

5. You may give an impression of arrogance or grandstanding if you precede your name with a title when introducing yourself. A title is a title, not part of your name and should only normally be used when specifically requested.

6. However much you may love your middle-name, there is never a need to give your middle name when you introduce yourself except when you are getting married or being sworn in as the President of your country.

7. Similarly, a middle-name is not a necessity on a business card or when completing an attendance form, say at a seminar. Keep business cards simple and focused on what you are offering.

8. You may of course write your middle name if specifically requested in a form.

9. If you have to introduce someone else, you may use their title and both names or just title and surname. For example Mrs Tricia Emeka or Mrs Emeka. In other words, title and first-names do not usually go together except when the person you are introducing is a knight in which case you introduce them as Sir Richard or Sir Richard Branson but never Sir Branson.

10. Finally, it's not Anan Kofi, it's Kofi Anan; It's not Soyinka Wole, it's Wole Soyinka; It's not Mandela Nelson, it's Nelson Mandela. Don’t forget: first-name first, and last-name last.

We all benefit when we ‘say’ things right!

Saying 'Please' and 'Thank you' - The Polish that Generates Presence (Part 2)

Some people are born with the gift of a good personality. They know when and how to smile, which questions to ask and how to make people around them feel at ease. They have good people skills, and with these, they are able to enter places they ordinarily may not have had access. 

For those of us who just can't seem to flow as we would have loved, the responsibility is laid on us to get these skills. Learn it, copy it, or pray for it; just get it.

One of the simplest ways to differentiate yourself and generate presence is learning to say 'please' and 'thank you'. These very simple words can change the way you relate with people and the perception people have of you. No wonder they are referred to as the ‘magic words’.

Some have argued that saying 'please' and 'thank you' is not part of our culture. This cannot but be far from the truth as nearly all of our languages in Nigeria have a word for the two phrases. In Ibo, 'please'  is 'biko', the Hausas say ‘ba don halina ba’ and Yorubas use 'e jo'.

Similarly, the Yorubas say 'e se' for 'thank you'. In Hausa, it is 'nagode' and in Ibo, it’s 'dalu'.Given the way our culture has been drastically eroded, learning to say 'please' and 'thank you' will differentiate you and get you noticed.

In seeking to develop a cultured personality and generate presence, the following are a few pointers that may help in your daily journey:

• Saying 'please' each time you make a request on someone depicts your politeness, courtesy and the consideration of the burden (big or small) you have placed on this person. 

• Never forget to say 'thank you' when a task has been completed for you. Any task.  

• Everyone likes to know they are appreciated and their services valued. More than making the other party happy, it is also a reflection of your own attitude towards other people. 

• Remembering to say the two 'magic words' shows you are polite in your dealings with people and this will automatically attract people to you. 

• In a case where several people with similar credentials are chasing the same job or contract, the differing factor may well be an individual’s ability to generate presence by his politeness and cultured behaviour. 

• In a society like ours with a huge population, differentiating oneself is an absolute necessity. Having a good personality does this without costing the giver anything. 

• As much as saying 'please' and 'thank you' edifies the hearer, it certainly certifies the speaker as a person who has respect for himself and who is confident enough to publicly acknowledge the good in other people. 

• So start to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ today to your maid, children, spouse, driver, colleagues, parents and anyone else who has offered you a service. 

• Life is so complicated, and often full of pressure. Saying 'thank you' may brighten someone’s day and relieve them of life’s pressure. 

As it cost us nothing to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, let’s remember, we all benefit when we do things right. EtiquetteBank

The Polish that Generates Presence Part 1 – The Obama Connection

Everyone is excited about this man.

As I write this article, everyone is getting settled with the new man in the White House, Barack Obama. The guy is simply a complete break from the expected being the first Black President and having been elected in a country where only half a century ago, he would have had to give up his seat in a bus for a white person. Little wonder everyone wants to listen to him.

It is interesting to note that if all the black people in America had voted for Obama, he would have only garnered roughly 15% of the vote. Yet Obama has created history, broke all kinds of records, beliefs and norms, and pulled one of the largest crowds in history to watch him being sworn in as President of the United States including my 50-year-old aunt who travelled all the way from Nigeria.  

In winning the presidency, Obama raised the largest election funds in America history, smashing the records several times in the course of the election. He has launched a movement that is not just a political action group but a personality action group across races and colours, that is unprecedented in modern history. It’s Obama that many people contributed money and voted for, not necessarily the Democratic Party.  

Why is it that Obama was elected to a position that is arguably the most powerful in the world? Perhaps there may be one or two things to learn from him.  

1. Obama possesses a rare combination of integrity, intellect and humility.
 
Integrity - because there are no skeletons in his cupboard. 
Intellect - he is articulate and makes sense. 
Humility – he appears not to be carried away by the almost messianic fervour that he generates with people

2. Great Interpersonal Skills – Obama has the ability to make people feel at ease with him. The humour, the smile, the eloquence and the ability to own up to mistakes are attributes that makes people warm to him. He has gone on Bill Clinton’s turf and roundly trounced him.

3. Excellence – I like his excellent and dogged spirit that made him assemble the best political machinery in history. People voted for Obama inspite of his race. He was judged by the content of his character, not the colour of his skin.  

Like the 44th President of the United States, we all have a need to generate a presence that can launch us into greatness. The world is looking more and more for those personal skills that have become so rare, yet are so necessary in our time.

Being polished is not about being born with a silverspoon in your mouth.  A warm presence mixed with integrity, good interpersonal and communication skills plus excellence in all  you do will attract people to you like magnet.

If you want to go far like Obama, you need these basic things of life that will show you are polished and endear you to people.  

We all benefit when we do things right! Etiquettebank

Consideration, Sensitivity, and Respect - What is etiquette?

My experience as a trainer and etiquette consultant has taught me that most people have a wrong view of etiquette. Many people feel it’s about being ‘prim and proper’. To some, etiquette is equivalent to snobbery i.e. ‘showing class’ by not engaging with people. Others see etiquette only in terms of dining or dressing.

Some feel etiquette is about formalities (‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’) – don’t do this, don’t do that. For many others, etiquette connotes European or Western’ values and they resent what they see as a new form of colonisation. The people that fall into this last category are probably not mindful of the fact that Africa is replete with etiquette and ours, in many instances, is more forceful and certainly guides most of our waking and sleeping moments.

Etiquette is not only about dos and don’ts; if it is, everyone will have to master an impossible list of what to do and not do on different occasions in different cultures for different situations. In reality, etiquette is about ‘consideration’, ‘sensitivity’, and ‘respect’.

In other words, show consideration to people in everything you do, avoid being selfish and do to people what you will take from people. Out goes deception, abuse, ‘smartness’, using people etc.

Secondly, be sensitive to people in whatever you do or say. Avoid thoughtless words; be sensitive to people’s culture, gender and situation. This will mean avoiding sexist, racist or any offensive gestures or jokes. It also means thinking before you do or say anything.

Thirdly, show respect to others irrespective of their age, gender, social or economic status. Showing respect means not looking down, not talking down or standing people up whoever they may be.

You will find that in all matters, whether of dressing, dating, driving, business relationships, marriage, visiting people, leading a team, travelling or eating in public, you will behave better and differentiate yourself when you show consideration, sensitivity and respect to people.

All of us at the ParkRoyalFinishingSchool and EtiquetteBank enjoin you to show consideration, sensitivity and respect to people today.

We all benefit when we do things right! EtiquetteBank

Item number 7 – the scramble for food

Ignoring his many shenanigans, I really like King Solomon. He appeared to me to be a very intelligent and smart guy. In his writings, he stated that one of the four things that were too wonderful for him to understand was the way of a man with a woman i.e. the way of a young man with a young woman. I am sure the male readers will understand what he meant – how you leave no stone unturned to get a date with a woman. Trust me, I know, I am a woman.

For me, one of the many things wonderful for me to understand is the way of a Nigerian with food at parties It’s a huge mystery that I would love to unravel.

In Nigeria, Item number 7 is the ‘menu’ stage and probably the most important at many events. It is smartly embedded between the many other events on the agenda, yet stands head and shoulders above the others in the minds of guests. Failure at Item number 7 is failure for the host and the event. Curiously, at Item number 7, you will see the words ‘Menu, Menu, Menu’. I still haven’t figured out why menu is written thrice. Perhaps it is a reflection of our attitude towards food.

The important issue about Item number 7 is that it sometimes shows the true colour of party guests as it has an uncanny way of bringing out the best or worst in people. Sometimes, you see top people with the means to commission the most sumptuous meal in their homes behaving badly and losing their inhibitions when they come across food at a party. It makes you wonder why Item number 7 has such an overwhelming impact on a lot of people, both rich and poor.

At other times, you see people jump the buffet queue, or pile their plate so much that you ask what on earth a person is doing with pounded yam and salad on the same plate. The fact that it is a buffet and you may go back for seconds does nothing to temper the greed of some people.

I have seen fights break out or people get very angry and abusive towards unarmed waitresses for no other reason but food; often because their table has been skipped by the waitresses at a party. Sometimes this is a case of cronyism on the part of the chief hostesses, but oftentimes, it is simply due to the overwhelming demand for food by so many people.

I am sure many of my readers have been to parties where the food is finished by the time it gets to your turn on the buffet line. In cases like this, you may be surprised to find out that the food was prepared for double the number of people present. No doubt most people will salivate at the sight of the spread of various kinds of delicacies but is a persons’ dignity and self respect not worth more than food?

My husband and I were once invited to celebrate the Nigerian Independence day at the High Commissioner’s House in London. After the formal part of the event, we were invited to proceed to the tent set out for the well-laid buffet. One peep into the tent sent us back as the very distinguished guests were rather unruly, crowding over what we figured out was the food service point. There was no way we were going to be part of the scramble for food.

If you find yourself at a buffet, the following points will serve you well:

· Allow the guest of honour, the elderly or the disabled to go first.

· Do not overload your plate.

· While serving yourself, only take an adequate portion keeping in mind those who are in line behind you.

· Do not return to the buffet line until everyone has gone through once.

· If you are desperately hungry before you go to a party, eat before you leave home.

We all benefit when we do things right! EtiquetteBank

Dressing for Business - Are you overdoing it?

You may wonder ‘What is the big deal about professional dressing? How is it different to my normal going out dressing? The truth is, business dressing is a completely different ball-game to say a weekend social dressing. No matter how snazzy a dresser you are, you may need to consider your work wardrobe if you want to be taken seriously as a professional.

Although an individual’s style, personal taste and fashion ultimately come into play when they turn out at social functions, it is important to consider what is appropriate over what is fashionable when dressing as a professional. In a society that places so much importance on dressing and the way people turn out, it is necessary to stress that the fashion trend that you adore may not be advisable when it comes to business.

Whilst you may go to town with jewellery, make up, style and colours at an evening event, discretion is clearly needed when getting dressed for the office.

I often see career women at work, often in a front office role looking like they have just stepped out of Vogue magazine. The bling (jewellery) is outlandish, the hair immaculately coiffured and the ensemble completed with six inches Manolo style shoes. Whilst the dress sense of Nigerian and indeed African women is commendable, it is important for a professional to remember that the work place is for serious business and a corresponding dress code is required. I often pity the men when I consider the suggestive, hip-hugging, tight-fitting, cleavage-blearing attire some of our women wear to work.

Men also get things wrong in this department. Shiny, brown, snakeskin and sharp pointed shoes may be trendy for a weekend party but will certainly misrepresent you in the workplace. Your clients need the perception of a serious minded professional, not the hottest guy at the bar or a P-Diddy wannabe.

Sadly in life, we are judged by ephemeral things, not by the real value of a person which lies in their character. A client meeting you to discuss a million dollar deal may develop cold feet if your dressing presents you as clownish entertainer. In the same vein, for a woman, the idea of flaunting your cleavage could backfire if you are meeting a conservative business partner, male or female.

What to remember is that the office place is a business environment. The latest trend may therefore not suffice when cutting a business deal. Also a business professional must be ready at all times, as there may not be an opportunity to change into ‘a more appropriate outfit’. The following are suggestions and ideas:

- Cleavage, hot trends and loud colours are best left for the weekend.
- Keep a separate wardrobe for evening and social functions.
- Looking smart is what is necessary for business, not looking sexy.
- Your business counterpart must be able to hear what you say - your clothes shouldn’t be doing the talking.
- Black, dark brown, navy blue shoes are best for business for ladies.
- Open toe, strappy and embellished sandals are not advisable for business.
- Black women are often very curvy; however, curves are best kept under wraps during business hours.
- Women should consider their body shape when wearing trousers.
- Jewellery and make-up should be understated.
- For men, combine your ties, shirts and suits appropriately – no striped tie on striped shirt etc. - Black shoes is the business for men.

My greatest wish is to see smart variations of our national dress in the business arena.

We all benefit when we do things right. EtiquetteBank