The Wedding that Wasn't

Since the announcement by Tunji Olu-Blair of his engagement, there had been a buzz in the Olu-Blair family. In the four weeks preceding the ceremony, various family members and friends of Tunji’s mum have been visiting to pick up their respective ‘aso-ebi.’ A particular one stands out, this is the lace material with big motifs of pink flowers on a silver background exclusively chosen for a few, well-heeled friends of the groom’s mother.

Even the city is bracing itself for this society wedding; the press is poised to make a song and dance of this event. It’s a big wedding and most people would covet an invitation. Tunji’s father wrote the cheque for the final instalment of the event manager’s fees last week. This much sought-after contract is being organised by ‘Bobbah’ the premiere events company in Lagos.

The groom is also excited to have bagged a well-educated and hardworking young lady as a bride. Angela, his fiancée has just completed her master’s programmes and has secured a job at a blue-chip company in Lagos. She is slim, beautiful and truly the kind of wife that would make any man proud. Angela is also from a well respected family of medical practitioners; her parents run a well known hospital in the city.

For his wedding suit, Tunji travelled all the way to Germany where he also bought the suits for his six groom’s men. His bespoke shirt and tie were commissioned from a well known tailor on London’s Savoy Row.

However, 48 hours to the wedding, this preparation and joy was abruptly cut short after Tunji called off the wedding. The buzz in the Olu-Blair family has been replaced with a sudden quietness. The loud music and flow of visitors have disappeared, replaced with a mellow, sombre almost depressing mood.

Why was the wedding called off? The sudden turn around in situation was caused by what should have been a minor part of the process set out by the bride’s church for those seeking to get married. Both the bride and groom were required to go through an eight-week marriage counselling which is the church’s method of setting the right foundation for each marriage. At the end of the eight week, a few older women usually complete the counselling session by answering any question which the bride may have relating to her role in the marriage. This is also the opportunity for a urine sample to be collected in order to conduct a pregnancy test to ensure that the bride is not pregnant before the ceremony. In Angela’s case, it came out positive.

The positive pregnancy test result was a blow to the groom. This is because Tunji and Angela as part of their Christian faith had pledged to each other to remain pure till their wedding day. In the two years of their courtship, Tunji had never as much touched or slept with Angela and she could not deny this fact either. Angela on the other hand had carried out sexual liaisons with other men. The embarrassment to both families was huge.

This is a true life story. Imagine all the various aso ebis, and all the money which had gone into the preparation for this amazing wedding. Even harder to imagine is the horror of the experience to the families involved and the pain which the groom and the bride went through as this gradually became public.

Horrible as this may sound, many ladies have been caught in this type of situation because of their choice of lifestyle. Many have formed the habit of dating and sleeping with more than one man at a time. It is safe to assume that Angela certainly did not want to go through this embarrassment. However, her lifestyle which she may have successfully managed and kept secret has now become a public disgrace. It is possible that Angela did not know she was pregnant; it is also possible that she knew and planned to go into the marriage with her secret hoping that not even her new husband will find out.

The only way to avoid the above scenario is to clean up any moral habit unbecoming of a decent person. No one deserves to go through such a painful disgrace that the couple and their families experienced, so no one should engage in such behaviour as Angela’s.

The issues of honesty, integrity, truthfulness and commitment between courting young people come into play here. Many young men are afraid to get into serious relationships because they believe there are no serious ladies around to date. This makes it easy to perpetuate the wrong of cheating, lying and deception amongst young people.

Some people have been hurt by those they trusted, some scarred so badly that they are determined to do no good to anyone they meet. Sadly it is a case of wickedness begetting wickedness. No one wins in cases like this.

A few points to consider:

• Do not deceive anyone with whom you have a relationship. As they say “what goes round comes around.”
• If you do not like a lady or man, do not enter a relationship with them, as some people do, hoping to find a more appropriate partner person along the way. It often backfires like the above story.
• Learn to be content with what you have; the quest for money and material possessions can make people get involved in relationships for the wrong reason and even with the wrong person.
• Never date two people at the same time. Do to others as you want them to do to you.
• Trust is the bedrock of a marriage, do not lay a foundation of lies in your relationship, it will only beget more lies and deception.

We all benefit when we do things right!