Courtesies - Holding the door for the person behind you

Walking through a door to enter into an office for an official assignment may be foremost on your mind to the extent that you are oblivious to the people around you. Whatever your mission and however urgent it may be, a public place requires due consideration for the other people in close proximity to you.

In this article, the discussion is centred on the process of walking through a door. A scenario would be Mr A wanting to enter a Bank to withdraw funds from his account. He is probably preoccupied with the transaction ahead and may not notice the people ahead of him or behind him.  If you walk through a swing door with the mindset just described, the likelihood is that you will just push the door, get in and walk off to the presence of the nearest cashier. However, if you are only concerned with what you are about to do in the bank, you may not fully realise that the simple process of handling a door well may leave a good or bad impression of you.

If anyone walks through a swing door without thinking of the next person on the line, it is very possible that the door would swing back with full force and may hit someone else in the face. This unfortunate 'someone else' would be the man or woman who happens to be standing behind you. This means your simple indifference to the person behind you may result in the door slamming shut on their face or even hitting the person.  Sadly a door does not discriminate who it hits in the face so it may be the chairman of the company or the sweet lady who works at reception that bears the brunt of your indifference.

The lesson here is to always hold the door for the person coming behind you. This applies to both male and female; it is a simple courtesy that transcends gender, age or social status. It is applicable to everyone.

Most people do not go out planning to be rude, nasty or to hurt people around them. However, our actions speak a completely different language and indict us even when we mean no harm. This makes it incumbent on us all to make the effort to be considerate to people around us. As this discussion relates to doors, the lesson here is to never assume there is no one behind you when you approach a door.

In fact it is best to assume there is someone coming behind you and hold the door for them. If it turns out that there is no one close to you then you can safely let go of the door knowing that no one would get hurt.

The converse to the above is to assume there is nobody behind you and allow the door to return to its original position only to discover that it has swung its full weight and shut in the face of your work colleague. If you are not very lucky, it may be in the face of the company chairman or your interviewer who will decide if you are to be given the job.

The need to form the right habit cannot be overestimated. When it becomes second nature to you, it would not matter who is behind you as you would do it by rote. This is the place where everyone of us must seek to reach. The place is where we do the right things habitually.

Remember that doing things right would differentiate you and set you on the path of promotion. Here are few tips regarding dealing with doors at home, in the work place and everywhere else you come across a door:

• ·         As you walk through a door, think of the person behind you.
• ·         You need more than a thought though, you need to consider them and act accordingly.
• ·         Acting accordingly means holding the door with one hand as you pass through the door.
• ·         The above should not affect your passage, or increase the time spent at the door.
• ·         You are not required to hold the door open for all to pass through except this is your job.
• ·         If you are a gentleman, you may find it in order to open the door to allow a lady to go through   first.

 We all benefit when we do things right!

‘Excuse me’ rather than 'Sorry' - Doing the Right Thing at the Right Time

We all know that ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ are two magic words that set people at ease, and make life easier for everyone. Whatever you may believe about these words, saying the right thing at the right time can open doors and resolve major problems. The African culture places huge importance on words; it is said that “the right words can bring out kolanuts from a friends pocket.”

Just like the two magic words above, ‘excuse me’ is a short key phrase that can also differentiate a person. An appropriate use will show the user is courteous and well mannered. There are occasions where the right display of manners is to say to someone ‘excuse me’ rather than having to apologise profusely after an irrational or thoughtless behaviour.

Unfortunately, this latter situation is what appears to be common. An example is a case where there is a small crowd in a banking hall or at a supermarket checkout. Here comes Mr Olu whose main pre-occupation is how to cash his cheque or pay for his goods. He looks around and realises that he needs to navigate his way through the crowd to the extreme right to see Miss Emeka, the Customer Services Supervisor/Cashier. Mr Olu then begins to push his way through the crowd until he gets to the Customer Service desk. As his body brushes against other people, they start to complain about being pushed. Eventually everyone was complaining about his behaviour and raining abuse on this ‘rude’ man. Mr Olu is embarrassed and he is forced to say sorry as all eyes are fixed on him.

The lesson here is that Mr Olu did not need to go through the harsh and embarrassing experience only to start apologising. He needed to simply say ‘excuse me’ in order for the people to move out of his way. This is certainly a more civilised and polite way to get through a crowd than pushing people out of the way.

A parallel can be drawn with the life lesson of being proactive. It is always better to confront and handle the matters of daily living rather than avoiding them and pretending they would go away. So many people ignore serious issues that require urgent attention, hoping that by doing so they can escape the difficult reality of the situation. In the event that this backfires, they are quick to offer an apology to their spouse or neighbour or whoever was wronged. What happens in such cases is that the matter becomes worse, and what was thought to be slightly difficult turns into chaos and sometimes calamity. At this point ‘sorry’ does nothing to repair the damage that has been done.

It is always better to have the mindset of taking responsibility for life issues rather than saying a meaningless sorry after the damage has been done. An example is Mr Yusuf, a client who has scheduled a meeting with Mr Bakare, a solicitor. Having realised he could no longer make it to the meeting at the arranged time, he did nothing, and procrastinated on calling Mr Bakare to either cancel or reschedule the meeting. Mr Bakare is completely unaware that Mr Yusuf would not be available and he turned up as planned.

After waiting for 45 minutes, Mr Bakare placed a call to find out Mr Yusuf’s whereabout, only for him to start apologising that he could no longer make the meeting. “Sorry, I’m so sorry,” he says. Sorry in this case clearly means nothing as the appropriate path Mr Yusuf should have taken would be to inform Mr Bakare once he realised he could no longer make the meeting. At the very least a text message to alert Mr Bakare would have sufficed.

Somehow many people choose the ‘apologies’ or ‘sorry’ path rather that the ‘excuse me’ path. In cases where money is involved, this is even worse as debtors rarely make the move to reassure the lender when they can not meet a commitment to pay their loan. It is always better – though not an easy task – to tell your lender “I am unable to pay as I promised, please give me two more weeks.” Rather than do this, they avoid their creditors or disappear and turn a salvageable issue to a friendship-destroying calamity.

A few points to consider are below:

• Saying ‘excuse me’ is always better than apologising later.
• In the same vein, doing the right thing at the right time is always better than apologising later.
• Carefully and sensibly deal with issues before they become a disaster. He who fights and runs away, as they say, will live to fight another day.

· The key is to be proactive, think ahead and choose to do the right thing always.

· Do not use sorry as a means of getting away from facing the consequences of your actions.

· Let your sorry be when you truly regret something not as an afterthought.

· Put yourself in the position of the other person and decide how you would rather a situation be played out.

We all benefit when we do things right!

The Wedding that Wasn't

Since the announcement by Tunji Olu-Blair of his engagement, there had been a buzz in the Olu-Blair family. In the four weeks preceding the ceremony, various family members and friends of Tunji’s mum have been visiting to pick up their respective ‘aso-ebi.’ A particular one stands out, this is the lace material with big motifs of pink flowers on a silver background exclusively chosen for a few, well-heeled friends of the groom’s mother.

Even the city is bracing itself for this society wedding; the press is poised to make a song and dance of this event. It’s a big wedding and most people would covet an invitation. Tunji’s father wrote the cheque for the final instalment of the event manager’s fees last week. This much sought-after contract is being organised by ‘Bobbah’ the premiere events company in Lagos.

The groom is also excited to have bagged a well-educated and hardworking young lady as a bride. Angela, his fiancée has just completed her master’s programmes and has secured a job at a blue-chip company in Lagos. She is slim, beautiful and truly the kind of wife that would make any man proud. Angela is also from a well respected family of medical practitioners; her parents run a well known hospital in the city.

For his wedding suit, Tunji travelled all the way to Germany where he also bought the suits for his six groom’s men. His bespoke shirt and tie were commissioned from a well known tailor on London’s Savoy Row.

However, 48 hours to the wedding, this preparation and joy was abruptly cut short after Tunji called off the wedding. The buzz in the Olu-Blair family has been replaced with a sudden quietness. The loud music and flow of visitors have disappeared, replaced with a mellow, sombre almost depressing mood.

Why was the wedding called off? The sudden turn around in situation was caused by what should have been a minor part of the process set out by the bride’s church for those seeking to get married. Both the bride and groom were required to go through an eight-week marriage counselling which is the church’s method of setting the right foundation for each marriage. At the end of the eight week, a few older women usually complete the counselling session by answering any question which the bride may have relating to her role in the marriage. This is also the opportunity for a urine sample to be collected in order to conduct a pregnancy test to ensure that the bride is not pregnant before the ceremony. In Angela’s case, it came out positive.

The positive pregnancy test result was a blow to the groom. This is because Tunji and Angela as part of their Christian faith had pledged to each other to remain pure till their wedding day. In the two years of their courtship, Tunji had never as much touched or slept with Angela and she could not deny this fact either. Angela on the other hand had carried out sexual liaisons with other men. The embarrassment to both families was huge.

This is a true life story. Imagine all the various aso ebis, and all the money which had gone into the preparation for this amazing wedding. Even harder to imagine is the horror of the experience to the families involved and the pain which the groom and the bride went through as this gradually became public.

Horrible as this may sound, many ladies have been caught in this type of situation because of their choice of lifestyle. Many have formed the habit of dating and sleeping with more than one man at a time. It is safe to assume that Angela certainly did not want to go through this embarrassment. However, her lifestyle which she may have successfully managed and kept secret has now become a public disgrace. It is possible that Angela did not know she was pregnant; it is also possible that she knew and planned to go into the marriage with her secret hoping that not even her new husband will find out.

The only way to avoid the above scenario is to clean up any moral habit unbecoming of a decent person. No one deserves to go through such a painful disgrace that the couple and their families experienced, so no one should engage in such behaviour as Angela’s.

The issues of honesty, integrity, truthfulness and commitment between courting young people come into play here. Many young men are afraid to get into serious relationships because they believe there are no serious ladies around to date. This makes it easy to perpetuate the wrong of cheating, lying and deception amongst young people.

Some people have been hurt by those they trusted, some scarred so badly that they are determined to do no good to anyone they meet. Sadly it is a case of wickedness begetting wickedness. No one wins in cases like this.

A few points to consider:

• Do not deceive anyone with whom you have a relationship. As they say “what goes round comes around.”
• If you do not like a lady or man, do not enter a relationship with them, as some people do, hoping to find a more appropriate partner person along the way. It often backfires like the above story.
• Learn to be content with what you have; the quest for money and material possessions can make people get involved in relationships for the wrong reason and even with the wrong person.
• Never date two people at the same time. Do to others as you want them to do to you.
• Trust is the bedrock of a marriage, do not lay a foundation of lies in your relationship, it will only beget more lies and deception.

We all benefit when we do things right!

Taking pride in your vocation Part 2

Zero to 100km/hour in five seconds is a common phrase amongst those in motor racing sports like Formula 1. This refers to the speed of a highly sophisticated racing car built solely for the purpose of competing against other cars in a Grand Prix at extremely high speeds. This concept of going from zero to 100 km/hour in an extremely short time should however be limited to racing cars alone. The reality of life is that most things are not instant; they are planned and brought to maturity over time.

Pregnancy is a classic example of a venture that needs time to mature. A person who wants a child would need to take the time to first conceive, then wait for nine months as the baby matures in the womb. The baby is only successfully brought to the world after the right length of time when all the organs are developed and are functioning well.

For the vast majority of people in a career or business, there is no such thing as ‘hitting it’ or ‘making it big’ overnight. Achieving success or wealth usually comes from having developed and perfected a skill and then becoming renowned in it. A renowned person is sought for his expertise and can call the shots when it comes to fees. People will be willing to part with large sums of money for the privilege of having you design their home, organise their party or manage their company if you are exceptionally good at what you do.

Whilst talent may help you to identify an area of a passion or interest which can be turned into a business, you will however need much more than talent to keep a business going and to make any serious money. This is where commitment, expertise, diligence, patience, hard work, financial prudence and wisdom come in. These are the virtues that make a person go from ‘zero to 100’ within in a few years. In other words, luck, blaming others, and prayer with no action must make way for virtues that bring success.

Let us take a further look at some of the virtues that will propel your career or business into the big league:

Diligence – constant and earnest effort to accomplish a task or project. It means regular effort and focus on a task. It should become a way of life for the person who wants to succeed in a career or business. Being an entrepreneur, although attractive, is not always easy; you need to carry on working and believing in yourself even when everyone else does not.

Patience – is required to nurture seeds to maturity. The misnomer of instant success has hampered this virtue, yet it is a much needed virtue that everyone must adopt for their diligence and expertise to be appreciated by the world. As they say, Rome was not built in day. If you are good, the whole world will notice you. It might just take some time for the word to get round to everyone, but it sure will.

Prudence – Some people marry new wives and purchase many cars when they have made some money from their business although the flow may not yet be steady. Perhaps a lucrative contract had come in unexpectedly and there is more money than previously was. Rather than reinvest and expand, many people deceive themselves and act as if they have arrived. To sustain a business for the long run, it will be irresponsible to splash out money anyhow.

Expertise – This is what it takes to become the best. Expertise is gained from experience and constant development. If you are not the best, you cannot realistically expect people to come and spend their money on your product or service. Everyone desires that the service they pay for be rendered efficiently. If I enlist the services of a caterer, I would expect that it would be food that is delicious and very well presented. It is therefore crucial for any business to have the expertise needed and also to offer a perfect service. Customers who are happy will tell others and bring in more business. Customers who have been disappointed will tell others too.

Hardwork - This is the icing on the cake of all the above principles. A person who runs a business or has a career in another person’s business must be prepared to go the extra mile. This includes being hands-on in order to deliver an expert job. There is no room for doing the minimum and expecting to get referrals.

In conclusion, taking pride in your vocation means that you give your best and develop yourself to such a level that your work will speak for you. Success in life is not usually by chance. Although there is no one way or definite direction to success, the principles above are common to those who have succeeded in their chosen fields.

There is dignity in labour, regardless of what you do, give it your best and the sky is your limit.

We all benefit when we do things right!