Taking pride in your vocation 1

Having the right attitude to work can be a determining factor in the success or failure of an individual or business. Often people find themselves in a job that is not their initial choice, or something they may not like to do. Let’s consider for example the case of Ade, who successfully completed a degree in Business Administration, with the expectation of getting a job managing a department in an international business. Having job-hunted for one year without success, he is forced to take up the only job on offer with a local business that sells flowers and birthday cakes. Ade hopes that he would only have to do this for a few months before he gets a more attractive offer. This is the real life experience of so many young people today. They have worked hard to study and pay for a university education only to graduate and have to face unemployment or under-employment with their pressure and pain.

In a situation like this, the tendency is to take any frustration out on the people around you. Many people in Ade’s shoes would consider their fill-in job as substandard and would give it ‘substandard’ commitment. Their attitude would be ‘When I get a job that suits my qualifications, I would give it my best effort and commitment.’ However, they often lose out in the end as they may not get the dream job sooner enough and they also lose out on the opportunities that may open with the present job.

My point is this article ‘there is dignity in labour.’ Whichever vocation you may find yourself, whether it is temporary or for the long term, it is imperative that the best attitude and effort is applied. Far too many people lose out on further opportunities and promotion because they consider some jobs as beneath them. To succeed there need to be a change of attitude to recognise that there is dignity in labour, and to appreciate whatever vocation you are in and what others do as well.

The reality of our country and the experience of many people is that there are not enough white collar jobs to go round all the people who will graduate from university each year. To compound this matter, there is also stiff competition from people who have graduated from foreign universities and are coming back home to seek employment. Therefore, many job seekers may need to follow in the footsteps of successful entrepreneurs of our time by starting businesses and becoming employers of labour.

There are a few examples of people in our society who have gone from nothing to owning successful businesses and becoming millionaires in vocations that many may consider odd. The common thread amongst these people is the hardwork they put into business and the excellent spirit and passion with which they pursue their choice of work. The most recent example I heard is of a woman who was a house-help who has now moved on to become an wardrobe-arranger because she has a skill in this area and has given it her attention. She has become known in this vocation and there is a demand for her services. Demand for your service means the privilege to name your price and to choose what you want to do, how you want to do it and when it is convenient. This is a good place to be in business but no one gets there by chance, it is only through dedication.

There is also the story of the man who is the king of small chops (finger food); he is at every notable party as he serves his small chops hot. They are cooked at the venue to ensure top quality service; his dedication has paid off after many years of consistent effort and he is now a very successful gentleman.

There are makeup artists who have excelled to the point that they are unable to cope with demand. There are caterers, florists, cake decorators and hairdressers who have become millionaires. The common thread is that they did not consider any of these vocations as too low. They often started small and gave their very best.

I will like readers to ponder on the following:

• Whatever your hands find to do; do it well.
• Do not regard any vocation or job as beneath you, there are untapped opportunities in our economy.
• Work is better than handouts; don’t denigrate anyone trying to eke out a living whatever they may be doing provided it is legal and moral.
• If you start small, and are devoted to excellence, you will strike it big one day.
• Any vocation can be turned to success; don’t forget the small chops man, the wardrobe arranging woman, or the make-up artists, all of whom have made it big.
• Don’t copy other people, identify a need and go for it.

We all benefit when we do things right!

Beyond the University Degree - Developing Skills for Life

For so many school pupils, the greatest challenge that presents itself is that of passing exams and getting into university. The ‘challenge’ of WAEC, GCE, NECO and JAMB is so real that everything else fades in the light of passing these examinations. Sadly, only a minority are able to wade through these treacherous waters to secure admission into a university. For these ones, the belief is that their future is set and all that needs to be done is to stay afloat for four to five years, pass all exams and come out with a reasonable class of degree.

However, in today’s world, nothing can be further from the truth. Anyone who still treasures such a belief is living in cloud cuckoo land. The reality of our world is that things have changed so greatly in the last 20 years and anyone who wants to survive must understand how the world now works. The value of a degree has certainly diminished for a variety of reasons. One is the unfortunate decline in standards of education; this has not been helped by the incessant strike actions by lecturers due to pay issues and conditions of work. There is also the issue of examination malpractices, a high level of leaked examination papers and impersonation. All these have contributed to fallen standards in education which has taken a toll on the employment market. It is a fact that education in Nigeria is largely academic and it appears that this trend will continue.

The sheer number of people who graduate from university each year in Nigeria and also in other countries has also increased employment competition. As the world has become a global village, anyone can apply to any job from anywhere in the world. This means that a Nigerian university graduate applying for work at an oil company in Lagos is in competition with other Nigerian graduates from Ghana or even from Canada. Frankly, the competition in Nigeria is keen enough with so many thousands of graduates from across the country going for the same few jobs.

This scenario is not peculiar to Nigeria, many other parts of the world including Europe and the Americas are also experiencing a global meltdown which has reduced the number of opportunities available. The reality is that not enough jobs is being created to go round making it imperative for anyone who wants to get a decent job to be multi-skilled. It is no longer enough to have a good degree, it is absolutely necessary to gain other skills directly or even indirectly relevant to your degree.

Basic life skills are extremely important too as they make a difference to what a person can offer. Today’s employers now extend their interests beyond well educated geeks who can only sit by a computer to intelligent programmers with good interpersonal skills who can also relate well to clients. Life skills are basic skills which are necessary to function in life. Often these are simple transferrable skills that can be employed in any sector once acquired.

Life skills are non-negotiable if a person intends to amount to anything in life and includes timekeeping, organising and planning, relating to people, speaking in public and being proactive. These skills can be used anywhere in almost any job and they enhance your college degree.

Interestingly, these skills can be learned without possessing a degree. You can even function with these skills exclusively in many jobs with or without a degree. An example would be if you have a job as an executive PA, there are hardly any specific skills which you need to learn at university to function in this role. There are however, many other skills like planning, organising and interpersonal skills which are crucial to this kind of job. Theses same skills can be enlisted in managing a building project. Assuming this PA is offered a job in a property development company as a project manager, the PA skills will simply be transferred to manage this project effectively.

In the above example, the new project manager will apply his timekeeping, planning and organising skills to ensure that the architects, engineers and artisans work to timescale with deliverables to show for it.

This same person can work in logistics - managing coca cola goods from production to distribution across the country.

The points below will further illustrate the objective of this discussion:

• A degree is no longer sufficient to make headway in life.
• With increased global competition for work, you need additional skills to give yourself an edge in life.
• Everyone needs to complement their degree with basic life skills.
• Employers are increasingly looking for people with these life skills and you will do yourself good by developing them.
• It’s never too late to start developing yourself in this area. For example if you read widely, you will begin to develop your communication skills.
• Start to be genuinely interested in people and you will develop interpersonal skills.

We all benefit when we do things right!

Avoiding the culture of ‘entitlement’

Africans are known to be hospitable and have a sense of community. We believe that a whole village raises a child, so everyone looks out for the person around them. This is even more so within families where any of the older siblings can assume the responsibility of raising younger siblings. This often goes beyond the case of a nuclear family and extends to aunties, uncles and second and third cousins. Even in cases where there isn’t any particularly definable family tie, a successful relative is expected to share in the responsibility of ‘helping’ younger and struggling family members.

Whilst this is a noble idea that has worked well over many decades, it has also become a case of people believing that they have an ‘entitlement’ to certain benefits and privileges from their well to do relatives. I have seen cases where a family member secures a job in an oil company and has the ‘misfortune’ of rising to a senior post. The 'misfortune' is due to the fact that his siblings, cousins and extended family members all believe that he has the power to find them work in the same company. He is declared a persona non grata if he doesn’t deliver.

It does not matter that the person in need of work is not qualified for the job to which he aspires or that there is a procedure for interview that must be followed including sitting for a written examination. What they believe is that having a relation who works in ‘Chevron’ automatically negates the need to excel academically and to strive to pass the interview. The ‘Chevron’ uncle becomes an enemy because he failed to deliver a fantastic job. Sadly, this may not be the opinion of just one person as this uncle may have many brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews, first cousins, and second cousins.

The mentality that people are entitled to some benefit from a family member or even a close older friend who is wealthy often destroys family and friendly relationships. Sometimes it is a case of a young person who becomes acquainted with an older person in their community or religious setting. It could also be a technician who visits a house to carry out maintenance work or domestic workers within a home. It may be a mentee to mentor relationship. It may even just be someone who has extended a helping hand to a young person in their time of need. In many of these relationships, a person who believes he is not as well to do as the other assumes that he has an eternal ‘entitlement’ to help, money or other privileges from the person who is at the ‘higher end’ of the relationship.

There is nothing wrong in asking for assistance from anyone who is in a position to offer it. It is however absolutely imperative that one seeks such assistance within reason to avoid destroying relationships that would have been otherwise mutually beneficial. It is important to start from the position that no one owes you anything. This means the wealthy uncle, aunt or cousin may or may not be able to assist you financially or get you a job. If they are able to do so, of course, this should be appreciated. If however they are unable to do so for whatever reason, there should be no hard feelings.

Even if they are perceived to be stingy or mean, it is still their prerogative whether they give out money or not. It is only fair that they are allowed the privilege of making such a choice freely. No one has a right to another man’s pocket, even if the pocket is running over with money. It is the choice of the owner of the pocket where he offloads his overflowing pocket.

Having a mindset that there are no ‘guaranteed entitlements’ would mean that a person is set free to relate well with others without expecting anything in return. If there are no expectations, there is no disappointment and no damaged relationships. An entitlement means ‘the right to guaranteed benefits.’ In many Western countries, only the government can offer this type of guarantee for example in welfare programmes that guarantees a small income to purchase food and ensure survival for their unemployed citizens. Individuals should not and can not be expected to offer such guarantees.

Sadly, many relationships end abruptly when an unreasonable demand has been made. An example is a young person who decides he wants to start a business and needs a sum of 300,000 naira to do so. He writes out a plan of how to get this money by writing a list of people who he thinks has the money. Usually the criteria for choosing these people would be the size and brand of their cars, the size of their homes or their lifestyle. The reality is that these factors can be highly misleading in judging someone’s pocket. The fact that a person appears rich doesn’t mean they have money in their pocket. Placing a huge demand on them will strain a relationship as often the person who is assumed to be rich may be scouting for money for children’s school fees or rent that is due. Making such a request makes a person uneasy as they ponder over why such a large sum is being requested and the dilemma of how to convince people they do not have the money. It is never a pleasant experience.

The truth is, a big car does not equal a big bank balance. A big, cosy house may not necessarily mean the person has liquid cash either. Let’s avoid the culture of entitlement as it only destroys relationships.

We all benefit when we do things right!

Setting Personal Boundaries Part 3 – Relationships and Morality

As we continue in our series on setting personal boundaries, we will explore the intricacies of setting boundaries in the area of relationship with the opposite sex.

You may belong to the school of thought that believes every adult has the right to do whatever they like. However, personal boundaries are necessary for everyone when it comes to relationships especially for young people just starting out in life. Setting boundaries act as a defence against all kinds of assaults they would encounter in the course of life, and a guiding light that leads and directs when the chips are down.

There are times in life when due to many factors, the temptation to do almost anything weigh so heavily on a person's mind. Setting personal boundaries when entering higher education, for example, may be a necessity at a time when it has become common for university girls to date solely for the purpose of getting money off men. It is only a conscious decision and determination not to engage in such a practice that may be the only voice of reason when there is none around.

When a person is in the midst of everyone behaving badly, the natural tendency is to follow the multitude to do evil. This is often regardless of a person’s natural disposition and pedigree. The reality is that it is more difficult to follow the narrow road when everyone else is on the broad road and they are beckoning for you to come. Often people follow the multitude to act badly simply for the fun of it, some people do not want to be the odd one out. Whatever the cause, no one can afford to go through life making decisions that would affect their entire life with such flippancy.

Many people have been on the path to becoming great in life, only for a photograph or story from their youth to become public knowledge and stifle their path to greatness. Barack Obama, who is constantly praised as a hero and role model to blacks has shown how important it is to live right and to have a plan for the future. Anyone who sets their hearts to greatness must definitely have the future in mind when making everyday decisions even when no one is watching. There simply is no point in pursuing a reckless life and then going on to pursue a career that will expose you to scrutiny.

For many people, a reckless life starts as a bit of fun meant to last for only one day or one experience. It soon becomes an occurrence a second time, and perhaps a third time and eventually a fourth and fifth and then a habit. At this stage it becomes hard to retrace your steps and a person can wonder how they got to this habit as they may not be able to recollect their passage from point A to point G.

Many people who are responsible adults with thriving businesses and families regret their past recklessness, though they felt at the time, they were in control at the time. Some young girls might have joined friends in dating older rich men becoming the biggest ‘aristo’ in town. Life however soon moves on and what seemed so fashionable then now becomes so disgusting and damaging. Some people are never able to rid themselves of the ‘aristo’ tag for life.

This is often an irony that life presents. What appears so interesting today becomes an object of reproach tomorrow. I have heard it said that anyone who learns everything in life by experience is a fool. Why go through an experience to learn your lesson when you can learn from the firsthand experience of numerous other people who had walked the ugly path.

Setting personal boundaries will help you to say ‘these are things I can never do no matter what’. This is probably the only way you can live in a society where decadence is the order of the day. Young girls and young men often date men and women they have no business with, giving the easy excuse that they are hard-up, or there is no way to pay my fees without the help of my ‘rich man.’ The reality is that there are so many other people all over the globe who are in more serious need, who however do not result to finding money by sleeping with a rich man old enough to be their father.

Whether you are young or old, it is never too late to put boundaries in place for yourself. You need to think of who you are and to what you aspire in life; and on the back of this you can say ‘this action is beneath me, or I will never cross this line’.

Below are a few pointers in this direction:

1. What seems totally acceptable to you today may be terribly repulsive tomorrow. Setting boundaries will help you not to cross lines that you may regret in the future.
2. Some things you do in life are impossible to erase, so think of the future when you make decisions today.
3. Having money to hand is not everything, a good name they say is better than gold. Do not allow money to rule your life.
4. Your life, body and soul is worth far more that money can buy, you are priceless and must see yourself as such.
5. Do not join multitude to do evil. Differentiate yourself.
6. Set personal boundaries on morality and relationship with the opposite sex, and you will not regret you did.

We all benefit when we do things right!

Stop Press - The impressive wedding ceremony of Kate Middleton and Prince William earlier today is a case in point for this article. A far-reaching background check would have been made on the young lady turning up nothing incriminating. Kate Middleton who is a 'commoner' will now become the future queen of England and mother of a future queen or king.

Setting Personal Boundaries - Part 2

In Part 1, we considered the issue of personal boundaries and the need for everyone to have them. Personal boundaries are limits, rules, borders, extents, demarcations, perimeters, fences – whatever you want to call them – which no one will set for you or chase you around to enforce. It’s a matter that is entirely in your own hands and which may affect your destiny in the long run.

You need to set boundaries that you will not breach whatever happens; otherwise you will misbehave one day. No matter how pious you think you are, as long as blood and water flow through your veins you have the tendency to get things wrong, if only occasionally.

I have heard it said that every human being has a period of five minutes of madness. Whether this is true or not may be verified by people’s actions from time to time. Often when a person has been caught misbehaving, they plead for forgiveness and blame it on the leading of the devil. The truth is that having a set of personal boundaries could have averted the misdemeanour. A few years ago, I attended a bridal shower at the home of one of the bride’s friends; after the party the unfortunate hostess found that some jewelery had gone missing from her dressing table. Did they grow legs and walked away, your guess is as good as mine. There are examples of people who visit their friends or relatives taking away photographs, money or other personal items without the knowledge of their friends.

It is common to hear cases where one person has taken another persons’ friendship in good faith, only to be disappointed by the bad behaviour of their supposed close friend. On close examination of such matters, it is obvious that it is personal discipline that one of the people involved has not learnt the discipline of setting and maintaining boundaries in their personal life and also in all their relationships.

People usually open their lives and homes to friends or family members that they trust. Allowing a friend into your bedroom is because there is a close relationship between the two parties. In such cases, it can be easily assumed that the close friend knows that the relationship is based on trust and they should count it a privilege that must not be abused.

Boundaries are an absolute must for any relationship to go far. At times, boundaries can occur in the form of unspoken rules between spouses or friends. Other times, it is a set of rules or code of conducts that is clearly spelt out to members of a team or club. Regardless of the way it occurs, clearly defined boundaries help relationships to succeed.

Everyone who wants to become anything significant in life must set boundaries for themselves. It is only the motivation of an internal boundary that restrains you from taking what is not yours from your friends table.

A healthy belief or values system is very necessary in dealing with matters of life. It is necessary to form clear opinions on life issues, particularly in a society where almost anything is acceptable.

The bottom line is that ‘where there is no law, people find it difficult to restrain themselves’. This is even truer for individuals. If you have no set of personal values within which you operate, you will disappoint people and you will disappoint yourself regularly.

Goals can only be ethically achieved by following an inner leading that has been previously set in place. At the point of pressure, the real person is what comes out. Regardless of the type of exterior that people place around themselves, only a person knows his/her own heart and what they are capable of doing. A person who seems altogether perfect in their behaviour and their outward appearance may fail woefully when no one is around or when the die is cast on a particular matter. This failure is often an evidence of a lack of inner discipline or values.

For an individual, having boundaries is a matter of ‘this is how far I will go on this matter,’ or ‘this is a line that I will never cross.’ Period. When a person has pre-decided what he considers an acceptable personal behaviour, i.e. what he expects from himself, and what he must not do under any circumstances, there is a determination to follow the inner voice of the heart. The lure of money, fame, position and luxury goods are easier to overcome when there are set boundaries.

The tendency to misbehave is so strong if there are no predefined personal ‘codes of conduct’. In such instances a person is like a city without walls, susceptible to almost any attack that is launched at him including temptations to lie, cheat, exploit, steal, betray loved ones or have their way whilst destroying other people along the way.

Below are points to consider in setting your own boundaries:

· You need to carefully consider who you are and know what boundaries you have and which ones you need to set.

· You may need to regularly review your belief system and realign your personal boundaries accordingly.

· Do not assume you can get by without any clearly defined boundaries or beliefs; you may be surprised how you react when under pressure. You may dislike what comes out of you.

· Taking something that is not your property without permission from the owner is called stealing. There is no other way to describe it but theft.

· The earlier in life one sets and get used to having boundaries the better it is in maintaining them and having a disciplined life. However, it is never too late to do what is right, so you can still set up personal boundaries today whatever your age or how far you think you have gone.

We all benefit when we do things right!

Tone Matters!

Tone matters! This was the advice from Joe Biden, United States Vice President at a retreat for US Congress Democrats early in the New Year. His point was that civility is an absolutely necessity when dealing with people. His advice followed the tragic shootings in America which left six people dead, 14 injured and Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords fighting for her life. The shootings, widely believed to have been fuelled by the vitriolic and gun-totting rhetoric of some politicians was a wake-up signal to Americans many of whom now believe that the new political tone has deviated from the civility of the past. In other words, tone matters.

Modern day life is rather complicated with people facing all kinds of problems and challenges. This means that tone really does mater when we speak to people. A difficult message or rebuke can be passed on to the hearer with a warm and good tone making it easier to accept and to handle. In fact, what makes a harsh word easy to handle is always the tone with which the message is delivered.

The Yorubas have a saying that literally translates ‘”Sorry’ can either be ‘male’ or ‘female’ depending on how it is said.” The ‘male’ sorry is said with sarcasm, totally devoid of any form of empathy and even with a hint of anger. However, the ‘female’ sorry would be the type we all love to hear from people close to us when something goes wrong. It is the ‘sorry’ that is kind, compassionate and empathetic. The difference between these two types of ‘sorry’ is nothing else but the tone with which they are said.

The ability to pass on difficult and perhaps controversial messages is referred to as diplomacy. Someone once made up her own definition of diplomacy as ‘the ability to tell a person to go to hell and the person looks forward to the trip.’ Funny as this may sound; it does echo some truth in what the power of diplomacy can achieve. Diplomacy in speaking is certainly a skill which every person should strive to learn. Some people just have this by nature but many more people have to work hard at getting a grip of it. It is of utmost importance that everyone particularly those who have leadership roles of any sort understand the importance of communicating with the proper tone and using the right words.

People in authority do have the responsibility to nurture those they lead. Leaders, managers and supervisors have a reasonable degree of influence over the people they lead or manage. This makes their words weighty and of a much higher impact to the hearers. Responsible leaders should therefore handle any form of leadership role very seriously, having at the back of their minds that they have a role to nurture and to build up their followers. This means that a leader can not afford to take for granted the impact his words can have over the lives of people who listen to them. Words should be chosen wisely and carefully considered when dealing with people. Everyone should also seek to understand the implications of the choice of their words over other people.

Let us consider a man or woman that holds an important position in society and who has recently become your mentor. This is a person you look up to as a good and decent leader, perhaps he is someone you wish to emulate as you progress in your career. One way or another, we all have someone who occupies such a role in our lives. For some it may be a lecturer whose approach is fresh and progressive or it may be a religious leader. In some cases it may even be a parent or a family member who is understanding and kind when all other people do not seem to understand. Even young people who may be students or learning a trade may be surprised to know that some teenagers may be looking up to them and holding on to everything that they say. We therefore need to be careful not only with what we say but how we say it because somebody, somewhere may be influenced negatively or even damaged by our tone.

We all have the need to learn how to make ‘tone’ work in our favour when we relate to people. It makes a world of a difference in what people hear and how it makes them feel. The following are further points in this regard:

· Your tone is often a matter of choice; you can deliver the same message with a choice of a harsh or a warm tone.

· Try to put yourself in the position of the hearers, what can you hear? If you don’t like what you hear then change the tone.

· Your tone has the power to build up or to tear down a situation or a person.

· You can be firm and strict about a situation without using a harsh or nasty tone.

· Regularly using a bad tone will eventually become a habit that might ruin your life or even your career as everyone tags you as nasty.

· Being gracious with your tone costs the giver nothing but deeply enriches the hearers.

· Being gracious also buys the giver unspeakable goodwill.

· Tone matters! Watch yours.

We all benefit when we do things right!